Your two-way radio transmissions begin with "breaker..breaker"
You have ever been dispatched to a working cow-chip, hay bale, outhouse, or dumpster fire.
Your alert alarm goes "yee-haw" , instead of beeping.
Your dispatcher ever said to you, "Y'all can't miss it."
You use rescue bags as furniture at the fire station.
You refill your air bottles at the local gas station air hose.
You wash the station floor to "keep the dust down."
You end all your radio transmissions with the words..."Sure enough!"
You have to mark the department out of service every Friday night of a home football game and the first week of hunting season.
You count reading fire magazines in the bathroom as training hours.
Your last four fire department raffles were for a shotgun and a member won every time.
You borrowed the fire department's dump tank for a neighborhood pool party last July.
Your safety officer is the person who broke their arm at the last house fire.
Your rehab consists of a tree stump and a baloney sandwich.
The last serious fire was at the fire department cookout.
You have a shotgun rack in the back window of your firetruck - AND you shot two deer on your last call.
Your hydraulic rescue tool is on permanent loan to the local auto body shop.
You do not allow a person to join the department unless they own a pick up truck.
You wore a hole in your fire boots - while wearing them at your full time job.
Your fire department brush truck doubles as your hunting truck.
You borrowed the firetruck to use the spotlights for deer hunting.
The directions to your last house fire were "Go down past the last house you burnt up" and you knew exactly how to get there.
You ever went diving in a swimming pool in your SCBA just to see if it would work.
You have to take the battery out of your tractor and put in the fire truck before you can go on a call.
Your definitions of "two in and two out" is two persons inside the cab and two persons hanging on the outside.
You were trained to store important tools in your turnout gear by the rule.."left for life..right for chewing tobacco".
You keep two packs of chewing tobacco in your turnout gear for emergencies.
The directions to your fire station begin with the words "Turn off the paved road" and end with "Y'all can't miss it".
The last girl you kissed was Resusci-Annie.
The following material Copyright ©1998 by Dave Lang
All Rights Reserved Reprinted with permission.
Your mobile phone in your ambulance is a rotary dial.
You take your date out on megacodes.
There are tobacco juice stains down one or both sides of the ambulance.
Your ambulance siren is a surplus WWII air raid siren.
Your ambulance is a 4x4 (Four Wheel Drive), and you enter it in "mud hops."
Your ambulance radio is a CB.
Your ALS spare kit consists of bandaids.
You have on board a #00 catheter.
Your bedpan is made of metal, and you got it from government surplus.
Your ambulance is from government surplus.
You have a tow winch on the front of your ambulance and you got it from (you guessed it) government surplus.
Your ambulance has a designated driver when you're at the "Dew Drop Inn Bar and Grill" (After a run of course!).
You don't have a problem taking a short cut to the scene via an old logging road or power line road.
You carry a deer rifle during deer season, just in case you see the "big one."
You brake for wildlife crossing the road
(Bears can seriously damage
your front end!).
Your triage scissors don't have blunt tips.
You use 2" X 1" wood boards for long boards for I.V.s.
Your drug kit carries a six pack.
You never have to worry about taking pregnant patients to the hospital.
(I ain't ridin'in that thing!!).
You get your O2 from Boss Hawg & Sons Welding Shop.
Uncle Boss Hawg makes your antifreeze from the leftovers from his "still."
You made your stretcher from Boss Hawg & Sons Welding Shop scrap (and it is rated to 1/2 ton! Great for transporting Big George!).
Boss Hawg & Sons Junkyard has all the parts to keep your ambulance running.
You made your backboard from scrap from Boss Hawg & Sons Lumber Mill
(They're into everything aren't they?).
Your tie-down straps for your backboard are whatever you can get your hands on.
Most of your EMT's are related one way or another.
You don't transport "out-of-staters" or anyone who is from above the Mason-Dixon Line.
The Amish get their buggies off the road when you are coming!
Doing 60 - 80 mph at night, in the rain, on a small country road doesn't bother you.
Just the fact of the ambulance arriving on scene breaks up bar fights
(EMT Jethro uses railroad ties to work out).
The local police ask you if the scene is safe.
You carry explosives on board for those "special occasions."
The ATF, FBI or CIA never come to your county.
You rely on the "Handyman's Secret Weapon" to fix almost everything - Duct Tape.
You clean out the back of your ambulance by parking it on a hill and flushing out the back.
You still don't have 911, let alone Enhanced 911.
Your county Address Locator book was a school project from Ms. Wills' 6th grade class.
Locations to a person needing EMS service might be, "The second house from the boulder were Jethro wrecked his truck."
Local news stations will not cover you, because the "The last time we were here you guys...."
Everytime you are in the vicinity of "Hootin Holler" in the middle of the night, you hit the siren to get everyone's dogs barking and howling.
You give some of your patients complimentary "Odor Eaters" for their shoes.
When you went to vacuum out the cab of your ambulance, the vacuum jammed up.
A
couple of redneck hunters are out in
the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing
and his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The
other redneck starts to panic, then
whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He
frantically blurts out to the operator,
"O my gawd! Help! My friend just died.
He's Dead! What can I do?"
The
operator, trying to calm him says,
"Take it easy. I can help.
Just listen to me and follow my instructions.
First, lets make sure he's dead."
There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun
The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"
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